Leila Rosen, Aesthetic Realism associate, writes:
As women know, daughters and mothers, even as they may be very close, can also feel painfully confused about one another. I know from my own life that it’s hard for a daughter to make sense of how much she can be for her mother, feel her mother’s a friend—and then, be against her in ways she herself doesn’t understand. And mothers can feel the same way about their daughters. So, what is it they are looking for from each other? Read Maureen Butler’s article, which begins:
I’ve learned that what mothers and daughters want most from each other is to feel that together they can learn about this world they’re in, and that through each other the world looks more friendly. A mother wants to feel, “This child I gave birth to can be a means of my knowing myself and all people better.” And what a daughter really wants is, through her mother, honestly to like people.
But often a daughter, seeing a mother as disappointed and hurt, thinks what her mother wants is to be protected from an unkind world—which includes her husband. I felt this; and, growing up in suburban Cleveland, I spent a lot of time consoling my mother. I also made another mistake that is frequent: I didn’t like the strength she did have because I wanted to be superior to her. The way I consoled and competed with June Butler hurt both our lives; and I’m very grateful that through studying Aesthetic Realism I’m a kinder daughter and my mother and I are real friends at last!
She had often said to me with bitterness, “You wanted to be as different from me as possible.” Studying Aesthetic Realism, I came to respect qualities in my mother that I had undervalued—and that I needed to have more of myself! For example, June Butler was much more forthright than I, who was often devious. I wanted to see myself as more “tactful,” while sneering inwardly at people, and I remember my mother calling me a “cool customer.” Years later when I told this, in a soft voice, to my Aesthetic Realism consultants, they asked: “You think if nothing is going to faze you on the outside, you’re going to be smarter than your mama?” “Right!” I said. >>Read the entire article.