Devorah Tarrow, Aesthetic Realism consultant, writes:

Many a couple has married hoping—sometimes consciously, sometimes not—that somehow they could encourage each other to be better people. Yet many a wife has found herself not encouraging but managing: chidingly correcting her loved one’s speech; pointing out how that person ought to behave or dress; even acting docile and servile with the purpose of getting her way. And wives have worried, “I’ve become a nag, but I don’t know how to stop!”

“Encouraging or Managing One’s Spouse—What’s the Crucial Difference?” will be the subject of the Understanding Marriage! class on Saturday, December 14th, from 11:00 AM-12:30 PM. The class is taught by Barbara Allen, Meryl Nietsch-Cooperman, and other Aesthetic Realism consultants. It’s based on these central principles stated by Eli Siegel, founder of Aesthetic Realism: “The purpose of marriage is to like the world. The reason happiness in marriage is such a rare item is that people have tried to love in a way that would mean less of a like for the world—in fact, a contempt for it.” The class is open to all women.

These comprehending sentences by Mr. Siegel, from an Aesthetic Realism lesson he conducted, will be the focus of lively discussion:

The chief difficulty in marriage is that people think the other person worries about them, and will even stick up for them when they’re attacked, but will not encourage them directly….Encouragement would mean that a desire of yours is that a person, that people, get to what represents them, what they rightly hope for, and that they respect themselves. You see them from their point of view, and feel it’s good for you to see a person’s purpose….Aesthetic Realism says if you don’t encourage a person, you can’t think well of yourself.  This is what I call the ethical imperative.

The class will show: the pivotal thing is a woman’s purpose—is it to be fair to her spouse and the world? Women will learn that a wife can have a purpose—contempt—that stops her from being affected by who the person she married really is; from finding out what that person most and rightly hopes for. Understanding how this is so, and that encouragement honestly to know and like the world is what a couple urgently needs, brings new life and happiness to marriages!

The fee for the class is $10. For more information, call 212.777.4490.