“Quarrels in Marriage—What Are They Really About?,“ a matter besetting wives and husbands from coast to coast, will be explained at last, in the Understanding Marriage! class, on Saturday, February 8th, from 11:00 AM to 12:30 PM. This cultural and down-to-earth event will be conducted by consultants Barbara Allen, Anne Fielding, and myself, Pauline Meglino, of the teaching trio There Are Wives.
It’s possible for a dispute between a husband and wife to be kind, and a source of pride. That can happen if a person is truly arguing in behalf of justice to reality itself. However, most disagreements in marriage are not of this sort. The other kind of quarreling—the quarrels that are so frequent, that couples find themselves driven to have, and that make them ashamed—will be discussed in the February 8th class. The basis of the discussion will be these sentences from Aesthetic Realism and Love, a groundbreaking lecture by Eli Siegel, founder of Aesthetic Realism:
The purpose of marriage is to like the world. You’re not marrying only a person, but a representative of the outside world. But if you don’t want to respect the world through this person, there come to be quarrels. They never come really from the thing that seems to be the cause of the quarrel. They come from the fact that two people who think they adore each other are also limiting each other. When we love a person it should be because that person is bringing out strength in us, enabling us to be more ourselves.
Every woman will get fresh hope learning what the everyday quarrels which so often eat away at marriages are really about: that two married people have used each other to lessen their respect for the world. Women will be educated about how this is so. And they’ll learn what makes kindness and care grow between a wife and husband: encouraging each other’s greatest hope, which is to like the world honestly, to see meaning in the world and people.
The Aesthetic Realism Foundation, 141 Greene St., off W. Houston St., in SoHo, is a not-for-profit educational foundation. The fee for the class is $10. For more information, call 212.777.4490.