Bruce Blaustein, Aesthetic Realism consultant, writes:
Read “A Good Husband: What Does It Mean?,” a courageous talk given by consultant Jeffrey Carduner at an Aesthetic Realism public seminar. He describes what he learned and what all men need to know in order to be the husbands they hope to be! Mr. Carduner writes:
It was a beautiful spring day and I had just said, “Yes, I do,” to the rabbi’s question, “Do you take Devorah Tarrow to be your lawful wedded wife?” I knew I wanted to be a good husband. I had fallen in love with this very pretty, lively, intelligent girl from San Antonio, and I wanted to be close to her for the rest of my life.
Yet while I felt lucky to be with Devorah, I also felt she’d gotten some package: a Carduner—first son of a well-to-do mercantile family, with broad shoulders, a slim waist, crinkly Clint-Eastwood-type eyes (as I saw it), curly brown hair, and a hail-fellow-well-met air. This way of inflating myself was opposed to what it means to be a good husband. And it had begun long before I said “I do.”
A Man Has an Attitude to the World
Like most men, by the time I was in my twenties I had already come to see the world as a difficult, messy place. Money had to be made, work was hard, and people often didn’t see things my way. I felt that what I needed to like my life was to get the right amount of approval from people, including women. But though I dated various women and there was sex, I often felt hollow inside. And I felt I’d had a bad effect on the women I was close to. Meanwhile, I wanted to think my pain was because the world was tough and I hadn’t met the right girl. I felt a woman’s job was to provide an oasis and to approve of me when others didn’t.
These feelings were in me as I walked into a real estate office in Greenwich Village. I was looking for a place to live. But as Devorah Tarrow, a college student working there for the summer, showed me apartments, my thoughts of real estate became dim. I asked her if she’d like to go out Saturday night and when she said yes, I felt, “I’m on my way!”
So what to do? Dinner, a show, a ride on my motorcycle (I always kept an extra helmet for times like this), and then back to my apartment. However, Devorah asked me if I’d like to meet at the Terrain Gallery, where there would be a dramatic presentation of the philosophy Aesthetic Realism, and we could go out afterwards for coffee with some of her friends. I was very surprised, but I agreed to meet her. Little did I know that I would find the knowledge I’d been hoping for all my life, including about love! >>Read Jeffrey Carduner’s complete paper